William Tapley, known on YouTube as thirdeaglebooks, is a conspiracy theorist whose videos were played on the show sometimes, mostly in late 2014. He is basically just the older, Catholic version of the Vigilant Christian. Examples of his crazy shit include thinking that a 1D music video starring Danny DeVito has secret Satanic Illuminati messages.


William was born to Grendel Kirk and Creationist Cat in 2011.

Since his fathers left him when he was 2, William had to survive on his own semen for 71 years. In the year of 2082, he found CERN's time machine in the middle of nowhere. He used it to travel back to 2015, and here he is now.

He has been suffering a lot since his husband died of breast cancer in 2016. He has stated that he attempted suicide at the age of 4, but his brother stopped him.


He was featured on Drunken Peasants in episode 103, claiming that a miracle whip commercial called Stacey's Deviled Eggs is satanic Illuminati propaganda.


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