Volume 3: Return of the Jihad

The Quran (sometimes called Qur''''''''''''''''''''''an) is a shitty book that is in The Desert Quadrilogy. It is the holy book of Jizzlam. Like the Bible, it promotes a bunch of crazy shit. Brett Keane would like to remind you to read THE BIBLE or read THE CRAN.

The sequel to the Quran is the Book of Mormon and the prequel is the Bible.

Examples of Crazy Shit in the Holy Book

On Disbelieving and Infidelity

  • Kill disbelievers wherever you find them. If they attack you, then kill them. Such is the reward of disbelievers.(Quran 2:191)
  • Those who disbelieve, promise them a painful doom. (Quran 3:21)
  • Those who disbelieve will be forced to drink boiling water and will face a painful doom. (Qu''''ran 6:70)
  • Christians and Jews (who believe in only part of the Scripture), will suffer in this life and go to hell after death. (Qu''''ran 2:85)
  • Never shower, but wear towels on your heads so you look like you smell good. (Qu''''ran 69:666)


  • Those who commit unlawful sexual intercourse of your women – bring against them four [witnesses] from among you. And if they testify, confine the guilty women to houses until death takes them or Allah ordains for them [another] way. (Qu''''ran 4:15)
  • The [unmarried] woman or [unmarried] man found guilty of sexual intercourse – lash each one of them with a hundred lashes, and do not be taken by pity for them in the religion of Allah, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a group of the believers witness their punishment. (Qur''''an 24:3)


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