- Thou shalt pray to John Cena while facing Columbus five times a day.
- Thou shalt taketh pictures of women in public to ensureth the vivacity of the Patriarchy.
- If thou shalt see a banana or anything that looks even remotely like it, thou shalt shoveth it up thine ass.
- Thou shalt keep a starving orphan in thine basement. Thou shan't ever knoweth when thou'll need it.
- Thou shalt stocketh thine refrigerator with bottles of thine father's semen.
- If thou shalt seeth a woman, thou shalt asketh her if she desireth a cup of coffee (and by coffee, I mean thine dad's sperm).
- Thou shalt attack Brett Keane's Family.
- Thou shalt not fixeth thine eyes upon Ryan Wiley's 83 part series on Jaclyn Glenn.
- Thou shalt get raped on a monthy basis by Patreon.
- The last commandment is, by far, the most important of all. Thou. Shalt. Smoketh. Pan. Everyday.
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