"Lick my butthole"
- Gail Chord Schuler
Gail Chord Schuler is an accomplished novelist, screenwriter, YouTuber and bangin' slice of ass who goes by her screen name Gabrielle Chana. Gail is the minister of the Church of Gail. She is the dream bitch of all the men in the Church. She owns spaceships that she for some reason never rides on, although her men do ride it. She also posts bizarre videos on YouTube about her adventures, personal life, Jesuits, and conspiracy theories .


Gail has written several books full of strange silly and unintentionally hilarious stuff and is mostly Brent Spiner fan-fiction. Some of these books are children's books, one book that was featured on the Drunken Peasants describes Brent raping a cat named Spot.

Gail's arch enemy is the Jesuit Order and its leader, Zack Knight. The DP uses its small influence to subliminally recruit more Jesuits to further the goal of world domination. Gail is notorious for publishing videos in which she gives blowjobs to random DP fans.

It should be noted that she is strangely jovial for someone who believes that a secret society is constantly watching her and raping her men.

On Drunken Peasants

The relationship between the Peasants and Gail is easily the most one-sided "feud" that has occurred on the Drunken Peasants. It has mainly consisted of the Peasants responding to crazy videos from Gail Chord Schuler.

Gail herself has been quoted to have been stalking Brent Spiner, a celebrity who played Commander Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation for 20 years. Her obsession with this man, and many more characters such as "Jesus Christ" and "Vladimir Putin" have caused her to preach her word about the enemy Jesuits, controlled by Zack Knight.

Gail owns a Star Trek like ship known as "Church of Gail" where she has many shenanigans ranging from malware causing everyone's penis to fall off, to sentient tacos and burritos. Still, some people are audacious enough to make the absurd claim that Gail is mentally ill.

Many fans have attempted to convince Gail that TJ is actually Zack Knight, her arch nemesis, and TJ himself has confessed that he himself IS Zack Knight.

Gail was proven to be complete racist in Episode 131, after reading off a message sent from her black lover Terrance Jenkins as if he was some sort of post-slavery "massa, massa" Uncle Tom. Although this may also be on account of the person pretending to Terrance over Skype talking in such a manner.

On Episode 312, the Drunken Peasants interviewed Gail Chord Schuler.

Jesus: The Eternal Bridegroom

Jesus: The Eternal Bridegroom is a book by Gail Chord Schuler. It is a testament to how far off the deep end brilliant and heavenly Gail really is. It is available on Amazon in digital form. The book is going to include such wonderful characters such as Brent SpinerSatan, and Bubba the Black Jesuit. Jesus Christ is going to narrate the audio-book. How that would happen is unknown, because she believes Jesus is in heaven. But she will assuredly find a way.

Examples of Her Crazy Statements

  • An obese black Jesuit called Bubba shoved his anus onto the face of Hugh Jackman and took a shit in his mouth.
  • If the sky is pink, purple, or orange, then it's probably because the Jesuits are dropping chemical weapons or some shit; not because of sunsets.
  • A giant sentient taco attacked the Church of Gail and a bunch of Mexican people but then luckily Bill Nye intervened and fixed the Gail Shield thereby rendering the sentient Taco powerless.
  • A few Male Doctors from China once tried to steal white men's penises to replace their own.
  • A Jesuit called Rule 13 was hit by a wave of semen and was trapped into a semen bubble.
  • Without the Gail Shield, Earth would have be been destroyed by the Jesuits.
  • Gail spoke with Jesus and said that he was okay with TJ's banana sex scandal.
  • A malware sent by the Jesuits caused Gail and her sister to grow penises and also caused the men in the Church of Gail to lose their penises.
  • Jesuits launched a Ballistic Missile filled with semen towards Canada.
  • Apparently shoving a banana all the way up your ass makes you gay; TJ shoved it half way up, so that explains his bisexuality.
  • Fat women's farts are toxic
  • Anytime your internet connection fails or buffers it's always them damn Jesuits.
  • She is one of the smartest women in the world


  • Once Brent Spiner spoke out about Gail at a Star Trek convention in Vancouver, Canada.
  • Gail Chord Schuler works at Walmart
  • Gail is part Japanese.[1]


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