Episode 113 is an episode of the Drunken Peasants.
Prev: Episode 112
Next: Episode 114
- Guest appearances from Morte and Luis Miguel
- Morte offering the Vigilant Christian a "Mid-90s Kevin Nash" Treatment -1:44:13
- Gail Schuler's book: Jesus, the Eternal Bridegroom, the Forbidden Abyss
- Gail's erotic readings: Lick My Butthole! - 2:06:25
- Replayed video (featured on Episode 109): Drunken Peasants Animated, The Power of the Dark Side
- GTime Johnny: Give Every Cell A Brain Or Go Insane
- Troll or Not a Troll Segment: Holy Ghost Helps Man Speak to Animals.
- A conservative douchebag: The Stupidity of Atheist Faggots
- CNN: Freddy Gray Death Confirmed Homicide
- Breakfast Club Feminist on AnitaGate
- Right Wing Watch: Man for the Constitution opposes the Constitution
- Josh Feuerstein On the gay marriage and Jesus
- Vigilant Christian: Hillary Clinton Is Satanic
- Gail Chord Schuler: San Francisco Jesuit Homosexual Compound
Stupid Ad Segment
- The Ostrich Pillow
- The WOW Cup
- Money for Black People
- The Wubble Bubble Ball
- Chair Dancing Through The Decades
- My Little Warmers
- The No Spill Chill
- Jewel Views
- Zippy Straws
As usual, the episode started off with TJ telling the fans how to submit content for the show and then advertised for Amazon and Audible. Then, it went into the intro of the show.
The Drunken Peasants introduced the new IRC Chat room, which is vastly inferior to the DP Wiki's intellectual chatroom. Shortly after they introduced the rather frequent patreon guest of the show, Morte, they read an article on the group Atheist Ireland giving PZ Myers the middle finger. They replayed the same Drunken Peasants Star Wars video that was featured in Episode 109. The peasants then followed up into a GTime Johnny video in which he sang a beautiful song about languages and brain cells.
Ben started the episode's segment for Troll or Not a Troll where some guy tried to save a turtle with the power of Jesus instead of actually bringing him out to a fucking body of water. The dude claimed that God told him to help the turtle, so he does nothing to actually help it at all. The peasants concluded that he was probably not a troll.
They then went into a video from some conservative who doesn't like atheists because he think it's just a group of fags and dykes. The whole video was pretty much nothing but a load of sophistry and bullshit. Ben planned to play a news story about a "Satanic" 666 license plate, but he downloaded the wrong video and decided to just on move. Instead they played a CNN news report about Freddy Gray's death being ruled as a homicide and some blasian chick gave a heated speech about the decision.
The peasants then dived head first into a shitty video by a cretinous wanker who lives in a washing machine known as the Breakfest Club Feminist. This witless fucking clod tried to rationalize and support Anita Sarkeesian's actions during the AnitaGate incident. DP refuted each and every one of that bastard's shitty ass points. He even claimed that businesses shouldn't be able to film things outside their own establishments, allowing burglars to rob them and escape with ease.
The Drunken Peasants covered a video from Right Wing Watch about conservative congressman, Steve King. He thinks some people born in the US shouldn't be considered natural-born Americans just because their parents are from another country. Out of nowhere, a video of Joshua Fuhrerstein appeared. Josh claimed that even though he doesn't hate gay people, he still thinks what their doing is unbiblical and that the LGBT community needs to refrain from "attacking" Christians. Next, Ben invited another guest, Luis Miguel onto the show. Then The Vigilant Christian reviewed a video by a Christian friend of his, the video being about how Hillary Clinton is satanic. Morte offered a blowjob to Mario.
The bread and butter of the show came in the form of Gail Chord Schuler's own dramatic reading of an erotic novel based on her adventures. She claimed that God had been a complete douchebag to Zack Knight and his Jesuit Order. She read some priceless lines and Morte encouraged all the fans to pick up the book. Apparently Hugh Jackman was attacked by Jesuits and some black dude took a shit into his mouth.
Stupid Ad Segment
The Peasants plugged the unofficial IRC chat room again and decided to open the Stupid Ad Segment.
- The first product showcased was a stupid wearable pillow that is intended to let you sleep anywhere called the "Ostrich Pillow", the peasants concluded that it looked pretty stupid.
- The second product shown was called the "Wow Cup", but there's nothing wow about it at all because the Sippy cups already fucking exist, the peasants concluded it was an decent product but certainly nothing special.
- The next ad was for a completely real website called: MoneyForBlackPeople.com, which was pretty much just showcasing a bunch of stereotypes to make the most absurd commercial ever, it got TJ to ask where the equivalent site for white people was, only to realize white people never run out of money.
- The fourth ad was about a kid's toy called the "Wubble Bubble Ball", TJ almost had a seizure halfway through the video and the peasants decided it seemed okay for young kids, but could potentially fuck up some antiques and household appliances. You can even kick the ball, wow.
- Next on the table was a commercial for a guide about the hippie phenomenon sweeping the nation by the name of "Chair-dancing". It's the stupidest exercise you'll ever see in your life, it involves two paper plates that you shove up your ass.
- Ben then planned to replay a commercial for the wearable towel, but they realized they had already played the ad in a past show. Ben instead played an add for the water bottle alternative known as as "My Little Warmer", it seemed okay but as usual the commercial tried to sell it as more than it actually was.
- They got another repeat of the "ShowerWow" and "TV Hat." Before playing an original in the form of the alternative to traditional ice cube trays, the "No Spill Chill." The peasants concluded that it actually seemed practical.
- The penultimate ad was for a stupid fucking glasses alternative called "Jewel Views" that you have to hold up to even see anything, the gimmick is that it's disguised as a shitty necklace so people don't realize that you have poor vision.
- The final ad was for a kid's toy called "Zippy Straws". It basically makes a game out of drinking your fucking beverage. Scotty thought it was okay but the rest of the peasants though it was a pretty shitty idea.
The post-show was seven minutes long this time. The peasants talked about The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. TJ brought up a logical inconsistency in the movie about Loki's staff. TJ regurgitated his lines from his Amazing Atheist video that he thought it was only 80% good in terms of the original. The peasants thought the movie was too crowded and that the points of view should have been tightened up.
- "Hey PZ! How does it feel when the shoes on the other foot, bitch? How does it feel like when someone is writing this shit about your stupid ass, you fat ugly fuck" -TJ Kirk to PZ Myers
- "TJ! In your anger, you killed Ben." - Emperor Scotty to TJ.
- "You think god plays games? He doesn't play games." - The conservative douche.
- "No fuckin' and no women!" - Ben describing the Catholic Church's policies.
- "If I wanted to kill her, then I'm the worst murderer ever." - Ben's response to AnitaGate.
- "Go all the way back to Genesis, and we find that It was Adam and Eve! Not Adam and Steve!" - Joshua Fuckwitstein resorts to the oldest fucking line in the book.
- "Yeah! That's what the world needs! When I look around the world, I'm like: man, you know what this world really needs more of? Crazy fucking fringe lunatics spouting nonsense!" - TJ's response to an insane ministry that Mario was promoting
- "I've seen the pictures of Mario, he's cute, I'd suck his dick" - Morte reveals he's a dirty bisexual.
- "They pulled down their pants and flung their penises at him." - A line from Gail's priceless book.
- "In terms of the narrative, I have no idea what's happening..... The way it swings back from Jesus and religion to people having dicks forced upon them; just like back and forth, back and forth." -TJ on Gail's book
- "Come on, little girl, suck hard on your momma's nipple!" - Another line from Gail's reading.
- "You see how they all stick their penises in us? Hahahahaha" - Gail descending into madness.
- "Lick my butthole!" - Gail descending into further madness.
- Ben commented that GTime Johnny contacted and said he would like to be on the show, Ben said he would try to make it happen sometime soon. It actually happened.
- TJ announced that the peasants would be making a "TJ is Garbage" shirt after their return from the trip to Europe. Ben also suggested a mug that has "TJ's tears" printed on it.
- Morte revealed that he was good with impressions this episode.
- Gail confused herself for God in this video.
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