The Church of Gail is a spaceship orbiting the Earth. Its crew is comprised of several famous men who are the suitors of Gail Chord Schuler, who for some reason is not on the spaceship with them. They are on the ship to evade Jesuit antics, which are the schemes of Jesuit leader Zack Knight. The crew of the Church include Brent Spiner, Vladimir Putin, Keanu Reeves, and Matthew McConaughey.

It has been reported that the Church of Gail merely escaped destruction after being chased by a sentient taco and a sentient burrito through the center of the Sun. Despite only being ONE BEAN away from destruction, the C.O.G. escaped when the taco and burrito became crispy and delicious before the Church was destroyed. The mechanism by which the taco and burrito became sentient and developed destructive capabilities are still not fully understood.

It has been revealed that the Jesuits, the Church of Gail, and even Schuler herself were all contrivances of TJ. TJ had orchestrated, and continues to orchestrate, the saga of the Church of Gail under the pseudonym of Zack Knight. Still, some people are audacious enough to make the absurd claim that Gail is mentally ill.

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