Benjamin "Bleeding Anal Fissure" Shapiro is a political commentator, author, and lawyer. He was created in a laboratory on January 15, 1984 in a failed attempt to create the most realistic pocket-vagina in all of human history. Though he is indisputably a vagina, he doesn't quite fit into the average pocket, thus why he was considered a failure. Originally, the scientists who created him were going to leave him in an incinerator but when it was discovered that he was quasi-sentient, they instead decided to allow him to become a conservative commentator. Ben Shapiro has written ten books including his 2014 New York Times' Best Seller, Diarrhea-Spewing Pro-lapse Donkey Butt and autobiography. Despite being completely unlikable and wrong about literally everything, Shapiro became became the youngest nationally syndicated columnist in the United States at the age of 17 and serves as editor-in-chief for The Daily Wire, which he founded. He also hosts The Ben Shapiro Show, a daily political podcast and live radio show funded primarily by contributions of the feminine hygiene product industry.

Shapiro identifies as Jewish though this is disputed by God himself, who said in a recent interview: "I have nothing to do with that guy".

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